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Drugs

I'm pretty proud of myself. At one point, in 2009, when I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was on 20 (like 2-0 as in TWENTY) medications. As of this morning, I officially take 3 - two of which are because I no longer have a thyroid so those will never go away. I'm workin on that last one... in July I had a pretty bad mental breakdown -ish where I just couldn't do life the way it was anymore. I had gone sober on New Year's Day, making that decision while nursing a massive hangover. Sobriety brought a small jewelry business as well as mental clarity which led to July. There had to be more to life than that. 

I am currently seeing 2 counselors - one with the hubs & one solo. My eyes have been opened! I have co-dependency issues among other things but when you know better you do better! My life & my view of it has changed exponentially... for the better. It's so hard but it's for the better. Looking at yourself closely is never easy but I can say with certainty that I would rather see myself now, exactly as I am, than who I saw 3 months ago - a person who was unaware of herself, sacrificing herself day in & day out for everyone else's happiness. I was miserable. I just couldn't do it anymore. 

Along this journey, I decided to wean off meds I didn't really need & start taking healthier steps to managing my mental health & body. And I'm down to 3 medications. I'm pretty proud of myself. I killed off my pride in myself as an adult because I was always taught humility is best & pride is bad. Now I know: Being proud of yourself is not bad at all, but quite healthy! Who knew?! I didn't! Humility, to me, is not thinking you are better than you are but also, most importantly, not better than anyone else. We are all just humans passing through but dang it! I'm no longer letting that false sense of humilty & pride get in the way anymore! I AM PROUD OF MYSELF DAMMIT!

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