So, I feel, since having my son, I have come full circle. I'm talking about understanding my mom more now that I have my own children. Lastnight, I was feeling an awesome feeling of calm washing over me and I realized that I was doing something my mom did a lot when we were growing up. Of course, at the time I didn't fully understand WHY my mom did these things but its all starting to come together.
Lastnight, while my little Cinderelly did the dinner dishes, I just sat my bum on the couch and read my book and I was transported back to that yellow 2-story on ANY given night, really, and there was my mom doing the same exact thing. I always wondered why she never "did" anything "fun" after work. Now I know...who has ANY energy after working a full day?! AND THEN YOU WORK MORE WHEN YOU GET HOME! (which i NEVER thought she did!) What was I thinking?! Vegging-out on the couch is about the only thing one can do after being used and abused all day, where one is at the point of brain death, that's it...sitting and staring at a book or the tv is all that can be expected here! But I am SO glad my mom passed her love of reading onto me. Its my favorite thing to do with myself:)
I also remember my mom complaining a lot about cooking. I specifically remember her talking about not knowing what to cook and when to cook it. I don't think it should have been hard for us to be home at 6...a normal dinner time. These are not hard concepts but apparently WE struggled with that one. Most nights I ate at the bowling alley while my mom ate pasta, on the couch, alone. (FYI my dad was NEVER home...more on that another time.) Makes me sad now because I get lonely easily when the family is not here. No wonder my mom watched so much tv...the family on Dallas and Falcon Crest were like HER long lost family. Why I chose my friends so often over my mom, I'll never know...
I can understand staring and wondering aimlessly at the aisles of food at the store or even at own bare cupboards thinking "what the heck goes with what" and "did we have that lastnight?" I find myself making the same things over and over and over. I remember complaining at the table to my mom things like "I don't want pepper steak" and "Ew, that looks sick." Who did I think I was anyway?! I'd lick my husbands left foot if he made me dinner everynight...and here I was then complaining that it wasn't exactly what I imagined?! I had my own personal chef and I took her for granted.
I also had a maid...not really, but Mom always nagged me to pick up my stuff. This is also not rocket surgery but I didn't realize that maybe my crap was in her way, or there was gonna be people coming over and my dirty undies on the bathroom floor weren't exactly a "Welcome" mat. I know now that toys DO NOT pick themselves up. I also know that sometimes even just continuously ASKING someone to pick their crap up can be exhausting. I just thought my mom liked to hear herself talk...little did I know...she kept telling me because I kept ignoring her. Duh. And my chauffer...OMG awesome! No, seriously, my mom took me everywhere and usually did it gracefully. Now that I HAVE to take Em to school everyday, I can appreciate my mom's quiet car rides to practice at 5 am and her smiling face while picking me up after a friday night football game and dance duo at midnight. I am, on the other hand, sometimes, grudgingly walking out to the car with my UNFINISHED first cup of coffee and secretly wanted there to be a bus system here!! And in the afternoon (@ 4pm not midnight, I'm talking here)...I find myself dreading getting up and loading up the kid and going to pick the older one up from school. Am I retarded?! What's the big deal?! My mom never complained, at least not out loud and not to me.
I remember this one time my mom was SO pissed at me and my sister that she couldn't even talk. All she could do was swat at us as we ran up the stairs away from her. We laughed and laughed while she stood at the bottom uttering jibberish...we thought she was losing her mind?! But, no. She wanted to KILL us but she couldn't (b/c that involves jail and stuff and you can't wear make-up in jail.) But anywho, I realize now that she loved us kids unconditionally. We skated a thin line, I'm TOTALLY sure of that now. And I never understood how my mom could stand up for me and defend me until the cows came home, and she even did it in front of the entire Jr. High once...when just the night before I was yelling at her and calling her the b-word. So disrespectful...yet, she was my biggest fan, my biggest cheerleader. She loved me when I totally didn't deserve it.
She loved me even after I ran away from home with HER CAR at 14!! She loved me even after I wrote with permanent black marker all over my bedroom walls AND painted handprints on the hardwood floors!!! She even loved me when she KNEW I was stealing her skinny cigarettes and smoking them in my room...I wasn't fooling anyone. But BOY I thought I was smooth! I thought I was SO clever.
My mom is the smartest woman I know. She knows all the Jeopardy! questions and usually has an answer for everything (although, recently she admitted to making stuff up). She LOVES her some grand-kids and ALWAYS helps me out when I need it. She babysits, goes and gets the above-mentioned kid from school, she forgives me A LOT, she cooks us dinner sometimes, she lets me borrow stuff whenever I ask, she calls me almost everyday and she tells me she loves me all the time. Sometimes I wonder WHAT THE HECK I did right in this world to get such an awesome mom...cuz the Lord knows I made a lot of mistakes...but I won't anymore. I'm getting THIS right: My mom rules but she probably knows that already! Umkay!
Lastnight, while my little Cinderelly did the dinner dishes, I just sat my bum on the couch and read my book and I was transported back to that yellow 2-story on ANY given night, really, and there was my mom doing the same exact thing. I always wondered why she never "did" anything "fun" after work. Now I know...who has ANY energy after working a full day?! AND THEN YOU WORK MORE WHEN YOU GET HOME! (which i NEVER thought she did!) What was I thinking?! Vegging-out on the couch is about the only thing one can do after being used and abused all day, where one is at the point of brain death, that's it...sitting and staring at a book or the tv is all that can be expected here! But I am SO glad my mom passed her love of reading onto me. Its my favorite thing to do with myself:)
I also remember my mom complaining a lot about cooking. I specifically remember her talking about not knowing what to cook and when to cook it. I don't think it should have been hard for us to be home at 6...a normal dinner time. These are not hard concepts but apparently WE struggled with that one. Most nights I ate at the bowling alley while my mom ate pasta, on the couch, alone. (FYI my dad was NEVER home...more on that another time.) Makes me sad now because I get lonely easily when the family is not here. No wonder my mom watched so much tv...the family on Dallas and Falcon Crest were like HER long lost family. Why I chose my friends so often over my mom, I'll never know...
I can understand staring and wondering aimlessly at the aisles of food at the store or even at own bare cupboards thinking "what the heck goes with what" and "did we have that lastnight?" I find myself making the same things over and over and over. I remember complaining at the table to my mom things like "I don't want pepper steak" and "Ew, that looks sick." Who did I think I was anyway?! I'd lick my husbands left foot if he made me dinner everynight...and here I was then complaining that it wasn't exactly what I imagined?! I had my own personal chef and I took her for granted.
I also had a maid...not really, but Mom always nagged me to pick up my stuff. This is also not rocket surgery but I didn't realize that maybe my crap was in her way, or there was gonna be people coming over and my dirty undies on the bathroom floor weren't exactly a "Welcome" mat. I know now that toys DO NOT pick themselves up. I also know that sometimes even just continuously ASKING someone to pick their crap up can be exhausting. I just thought my mom liked to hear herself talk...little did I know...she kept telling me because I kept ignoring her. Duh. And my chauffer...OMG awesome! No, seriously, my mom took me everywhere and usually did it gracefully. Now that I HAVE to take Em to school everyday, I can appreciate my mom's quiet car rides to practice at 5 am and her smiling face while picking me up after a friday night football game and dance duo at midnight. I am, on the other hand, sometimes, grudgingly walking out to the car with my UNFINISHED first cup of coffee and secretly wanted there to be a bus system here!! And in the afternoon (@ 4pm not midnight, I'm talking here)...I find myself dreading getting up and loading up the kid and going to pick the older one up from school. Am I retarded?! What's the big deal?! My mom never complained, at least not out loud and not to me.
I remember this one time my mom was SO pissed at me and my sister that she couldn't even talk. All she could do was swat at us as we ran up the stairs away from her. We laughed and laughed while she stood at the bottom uttering jibberish...we thought she was losing her mind?! But, no. She wanted to KILL us but she couldn't (b/c that involves jail and stuff and you can't wear make-up in jail.) But anywho, I realize now that she loved us kids unconditionally. We skated a thin line, I'm TOTALLY sure of that now. And I never understood how my mom could stand up for me and defend me until the cows came home, and she even did it in front of the entire Jr. High once...when just the night before I was yelling at her and calling her the b-word. So disrespectful...yet, she was my biggest fan, my biggest cheerleader. She loved me when I totally didn't deserve it.
She loved me even after I ran away from home with HER CAR at 14!! She loved me even after I wrote with permanent black marker all over my bedroom walls AND painted handprints on the hardwood floors!!! She even loved me when she KNEW I was stealing her skinny cigarettes and smoking them in my room...I wasn't fooling anyone. But BOY I thought I was smooth! I thought I was SO clever.
My mom is the smartest woman I know. She knows all the Jeopardy! questions and usually has an answer for everything (although, recently she admitted to making stuff up). She LOVES her some grand-kids and ALWAYS helps me out when I need it. She babysits, goes and gets the above-mentioned kid from school, she forgives me A LOT, she cooks us dinner sometimes, she lets me borrow stuff whenever I ask, she calls me almost everyday and she tells me she loves me all the time. Sometimes I wonder WHAT THE HECK I did right in this world to get such an awesome mom...cuz the Lord knows I made a lot of mistakes...but I won't anymore. I'm getting THIS right: My mom rules but she probably knows that already! Umkay!
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