So I went to the dentist AGAIN today and read a magazine in the waiting room. There was an article about a couple who had grown apart over the years and didn't know how it happened. The woman was repeatedly telling her husband that she felt unimportant. She explained how she never did anything for herself and hadn't done some things that she enjoyed doing since before her and her husband were married. She asked her kids what mommy did the most and they said, "the laundry." (not exactly a legacy!) Then the woman went on to explain how she blamed her husband for her unhappiness. The expert gave a detailed response, but the one thing she said that really stood out to me was how the woman was unhappy because the woman was unhappy... it really didn't have anything to do with him. She no longer did the things she had liked to do. What did she expect?! When her and her husband were dating she was spontaneous and exciting and the two of them explored things together. Now they hardly did anything together and the wife was totally wrapped up in being a wife and mom. She had lost herself.
Being wrapped up in being a wife and mom is all well and great; but, if I never do anything for myself how can I be the wife and mom I want to be?? I've learned to take a lot of time-outs from the kids, by MYSELF and also to have those special date nights with my hubby. I do remember; however, feeling really guilty about it. I remember talking to one mom and she was going on and on about how she couldn't get enough of her kids. I remember sulking for DAYS about that and feeling like a crappy mom. Then on the third day I remembered a conversation I had, before I had kids, with an older mom and she said, "First of all, if you hear a mom never complaining about her life/kids/husband then she's either living permenantly with her head in the clouds or she's full of shit. Second, don't EVER feel bad about what works for YOU. You know yourself better than anyone else so if YOU need one night a week "off" and Ms.-Suzie-Homemaker-from-the-women's-group-at-church-who-is-perfect only needs one night a YEAR away from her monsters, then great! But if that doesn't work for you, accept it. And lastly, keep BABY pictures of your kids out because when they grow up and become teenagers, you will need something to remind yourself WHY you love them." LOL! I don't really feel all that bad anymore about getting sitters and wanting to rip my hair out because of my kids. It's normal.
But I did start thinking, while reading that article, of all the things I wasn't doing or was doing to please everyone else. I also thought of the things that I used to enjoy doing and don't do anymore. It's sad, really, because I KNOW I am not the only mom on this planet that feels this way! I need a little more ME in this life. I'm a woman and I need to shop once in awhile. I need to go to the movies by myself. I need to chop my hair off (which I did right after I left the dentist). I need to have a girlfriend's night. I need a date with Brian everyother weekend. I need to go in my room ALONE at night and either blog, facebook or read. I need to unwind. I need to have alone time with my step-daughter (because she is SO FUNNY!) I need to go to my sister's after her popo fuzz goes to work and have adult pop and laugh our gut demons off. I need to do crafts with my son even though they are a total mess. I need to decopage. I need to get serious about my photography that I know, in my heart, I'm actually pretty good at. I need to be able to go to the bathroom without interruption...and shower, for that matter! I need to turn off Einstein's and turn on Food Network...because the Disney's Channel's been on for 6 hours. I need to plant stuff and try new stuff that I have put off trying because I'm worried about what others will think. I need to try stuff even if I'm afraid it will fail or won't grow. I need to stop trying to please everyone with how I talk, how I dress, what I cook, what I read, how I blog, how loud I laugh, when I'm tired, when I can't and have to say no...it's ok to not be available all the time! I can read How To books and learn to paint the dining room with texturized paint (I don't even know if there is such a thing but I'm gonna find out!). I can lay on the floor right in the middle of the children's section at the library with my son and look at the nighttime sky that they have on the ceiling. I can walk to the store and carry my groceries home. I can bake in the middle of the night if I can't sleep. Or, what the hey, I can set my alarm and purposefully get up and bake in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep. I can set the tent up in the backyard and sleep outside by myself, in the winter. I can take ballroom dancing lessons, if we could afford it. I can be responsible and spontaneous.
These are some of the things that I think about and never put into motion. These are things that would probably be on my "bucket list." I want to enjoy my life too. Yes I want my kids' lives to be wonderful and yes, I want to experience a lot with them...but I also have those God-breathed ideas that I should do ALONE because I know they would bring me closer to God, closer to myself and ultimately, closer to my husband and kids. Go to the beach alone, window shop downtown, have coffee at Starbuck's with only a book, learn "guy stuff" like car knowledge or drive one of my dad's beaters in a demolition derby, learn how to sew and make the kids' costumes, create that business, do that outreach or go on that mission trip overseas. Don't be afraid.
I am a better person when I've had time with God. I'm a happier person when I've allowed myself to let go. I'm a better wife when I've had a break from the kids. I'm a better mom when I've pampered myself and focused on me. I'm a better person when I've distanced myself from those I love, and can actually hear myself think! I'm able to focus on the important things like: why I love them or how happy they make me or what attracted me to him in the first place or how lucky and blessed I am. By focusing a little on me, I'm able to focus more on my place in this world and what God's called me to be. I am a homemaker...not 364 days a year, but 312 days a year. And that's ok. It works for me.
Tina Turner said , "You have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else" Amen sister!
Being wrapped up in being a wife and mom is all well and great; but, if I never do anything for myself how can I be the wife and mom I want to be?? I've learned to take a lot of time-outs from the kids, by MYSELF and also to have those special date nights with my hubby. I do remember; however, feeling really guilty about it. I remember talking to one mom and she was going on and on about how she couldn't get enough of her kids. I remember sulking for DAYS about that and feeling like a crappy mom. Then on the third day I remembered a conversation I had, before I had kids, with an older mom and she said, "First of all, if you hear a mom never complaining about her life/kids/husband then she's either living permenantly with her head in the clouds or she's full of shit. Second, don't EVER feel bad about what works for YOU. You know yourself better than anyone else so if YOU need one night a week "off" and Ms.-Suzie-Homemaker-from-the-women's-group-at-church-who-is-perfect only needs one night a YEAR away from her monsters, then great! But if that doesn't work for you, accept it. And lastly, keep BABY pictures of your kids out because when they grow up and become teenagers, you will need something to remind yourself WHY you love them." LOL! I don't really feel all that bad anymore about getting sitters and wanting to rip my hair out because of my kids. It's normal.
But I did start thinking, while reading that article, of all the things I wasn't doing or was doing to please everyone else. I also thought of the things that I used to enjoy doing and don't do anymore. It's sad, really, because I KNOW I am not the only mom on this planet that feels this way! I need a little more ME in this life. I'm a woman and I need to shop once in awhile. I need to go to the movies by myself. I need to chop my hair off (which I did right after I left the dentist). I need to have a girlfriend's night. I need a date with Brian everyother weekend. I need to go in my room ALONE at night and either blog, facebook or read. I need to unwind. I need to have alone time with my step-daughter (because she is SO FUNNY!) I need to go to my sister's after her popo fuzz goes to work and have adult pop and laugh our gut demons off. I need to do crafts with my son even though they are a total mess. I need to decopage. I need to get serious about my photography that I know, in my heart, I'm actually pretty good at. I need to be able to go to the bathroom without interruption...and shower, for that matter! I need to turn off Einstein's and turn on Food Network...because the Disney's Channel's been on for 6 hours. I need to plant stuff and try new stuff that I have put off trying because I'm worried about what others will think. I need to try stuff even if I'm afraid it will fail or won't grow. I need to stop trying to please everyone with how I talk, how I dress, what I cook, what I read, how I blog, how loud I laugh, when I'm tired, when I can't and have to say no...it's ok to not be available all the time! I can read How To books and learn to paint the dining room with texturized paint (I don't even know if there is such a thing but I'm gonna find out!). I can lay on the floor right in the middle of the children's section at the library with my son and look at the nighttime sky that they have on the ceiling. I can walk to the store and carry my groceries home. I can bake in the middle of the night if I can't sleep. Or, what the hey, I can set my alarm and purposefully get up and bake in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep. I can set the tent up in the backyard and sleep outside by myself, in the winter. I can take ballroom dancing lessons, if we could afford it. I can be responsible and spontaneous.
These are some of the things that I think about and never put into motion. These are things that would probably be on my "bucket list." I want to enjoy my life too. Yes I want my kids' lives to be wonderful and yes, I want to experience a lot with them...but I also have those God-breathed ideas that I should do ALONE because I know they would bring me closer to God, closer to myself and ultimately, closer to my husband and kids. Go to the beach alone, window shop downtown, have coffee at Starbuck's with only a book, learn "guy stuff" like car knowledge or drive one of my dad's beaters in a demolition derby, learn how to sew and make the kids' costumes, create that business, do that outreach or go on that mission trip overseas. Don't be afraid.
I am a better person when I've had time with God. I'm a happier person when I've allowed myself to let go. I'm a better wife when I've had a break from the kids. I'm a better mom when I've pampered myself and focused on me. I'm a better person when I've distanced myself from those I love, and can actually hear myself think! I'm able to focus on the important things like: why I love them or how happy they make me or what attracted me to him in the first place or how lucky and blessed I am. By focusing a little on me, I'm able to focus more on my place in this world and what God's called me to be. I am a homemaker...not 364 days a year, but 312 days a year. And that's ok. It works for me.
Tina Turner said , "You have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else" Amen sister!
If Tina Turner said that, then it's true. Great one!! You're a good blogger, you're a glogger!
ReplyDeleteyeah. what she said:)
ReplyDeleteJenna, don't compare yourself to other Mom's. I used to do that and feel horrible. You have to do what works for you! If Momma ain't happy, then nobody's happy! Do not feel guilty. You are a great Mom.
ReplyDelete