I realized yesterday that my 4 y.o. son has become quite the little smart-mouth. I pick him up from preschool, snack in tow like the good mommy that I am, and after being confronted in the parking lot by his teacher about how Will might fail kindergarten because he sucks at cutting with scissors yada yada (whatever), I pull away to the sweet sound of Will throwing his cup on the floorboard and saying, "I -said- I wanted orange juice!" Oh ok, so go thirsty then.
We park in front of the camera store (so I can get my new fancy, hoity toity sLr camera lens looked at) and Will states, or more like DEMANDS his own new, fancy camera...this is coming from a 4 Y.O. WHO WAS GIVEN THE SAME CAMERA THAT HIS 32 Y.O. AUNT HAS "mindyou"!! What a freakin brat! Then as I'm trying to talk to the photo/camera GENEius (cuz its Gene's Camera Store...ha ha ha) Will starts begging for a gumball. Sorry, no quarter kid and even if I did, so help me... When I politely turn to leave and Gene says loudly over my son who's *still* asking for a gumball, "Can I do anything else for you?" I say, "Well, besides get rid of that damn candy machine, no."
Next, we head over to the "best bakery ever aka most expensive bakery ever" to order Will's birthday cake for Saturday. I have never ordered a cake before but I'm a little tired this year and thought I'd shake things up a bit. So upon entering this mecca of confectionary dreams, Will begins leaning on the glass cases covering up the "Do Not Lean on Cases" sign. I repeat this sentence at least 20 times in 5 minutes. The 90 y.o. lady begins taking my order and right after she says they don't make banana cake (which is what Will's little heart desired) she proceeds to tell me that the cake is $33.00 plus tax. WTH? Are the cakes made from golden eggs or what biotch?! Good lord! And so I turn to tell Will how we won't be getting a cake from them, he starts to melt down and Granny Baker stems it off with offering him a donut (perfect. what else says behave than a free donut?) So I look in the case too and pick out the biggest chocolate donut this side of the Mississippi and guess what?? GRANNY CHARGED ME FOR MINE!! That's right...she put them *both* in a bag and says, "that'll be 50 cents." Can I get a break?? I mean really.
Next we head over to our friendly neighborhood second-hand music store looking for Atlantis Squarepantis---yes, that's the real title. Upon entering, Will quickly sees arcade games and of course starts harrassing me for quarters. I quickly look around for something for my husband (he started work this week and I wanted to get him something in appreciation of his manual labor) and Will points out a Nascar PS2 game. Perfect. I pay. We walk outside and I ask Will if he thinks Daddy will like what we got him and I get a "Its not Daddy's! It's mine!" Lovely.
Now I'm starving and extra-super bitchy and need to eat...so we meet Kendra and Granny who just got done with Granny's pre-op (surgery is scheduled for 3/17 to remove cancerous girlie parts). While going thru the maze to get to the front of the line, Will zones in on the kids meal toys and starts making his requests known to all. I should have just left at this point---not left Will alone, but left the public-eye and took his ass home and put him to bed. But I didn't. I was still hoping the little demon inside would catch my drift and leave willingly but that never happened at Wendy's! Will gets this toy thats actually cool and I feel bad for the lady who gave it to him because she had to endure his dirty looks and pouty faces. Will's Aint Kenj asks me WTH was going on?? She said he must have left his 3 brain cells at school...omg, you have no idea.
Last stop was the cake store---because I *HAVE* to make the cake b/c no one on God's green earth makes a banana cake that middle-class Americans can afford. So I set Will loose on the cake decorations while I sit down and look thru the newest edition of some stupid cake decorating magazine. He picked thru all the little plastic treat toppers for cakes, mixing them all together and giving the lady working there a heartattack. He got a speedometer, an orange music note, a hotdog, traffic signs, a boombox, fries and a coke (without the smile). I bought it all for $4 because at this point, I didn't give a CRAP what went on the cake Saturday...I just wanted to go home.
++Then, my sister bought me a Skooner(BIG BEER)++
Then the second best part of the whole day...Will doesn't like his new orange room! We painted it for his birthday and got new bedding and new toy drawers and still---the kid's unsatisfied. So, lastnight he says he just wants a whole new house. Don't we all kid?! I just turned off the light and shut the door, speechless (if you know me, you know that's a miracle).
So after everyone was nestled all snug in their beds, with visions of creepy leprechans dancing in their heads, I took all of Will's toys away except about 6 cars, a play cell phone, a mini nerf gun and a harmonica. And of course I kept his books because we can't have him failing kindergarten now can we?! (Not to worry... all the toys are in our basement, waiting to be earned back by Will's good behavior, into the land of the living).
So this morning, Will gets up, comes into the livingroom and sits with me, all sleepy-eyed and cute while I explain the deal. He answers me and it even makes sense. We go in his room to get ready for school and he turns around with *major* attitude, hands on hips and demands "WHERE'S MY TOYS?!" Precious.
We park in front of the camera store (so I can get my new fancy, hoity toity sLr camera lens looked at) and Will states, or more like DEMANDS his own new, fancy camera...this is coming from a 4 Y.O. WHO WAS GIVEN THE SAME CAMERA THAT HIS 32 Y.O. AUNT HAS "mindyou"!! What a freakin brat! Then as I'm trying to talk to the photo/camera GENEius (cuz its Gene's Camera Store...ha ha ha) Will starts begging for a gumball. Sorry, no quarter kid and even if I did, so help me... When I politely turn to leave and Gene says loudly over my son who's *still* asking for a gumball, "Can I do anything else for you?" I say, "Well, besides get rid of that damn candy machine, no."
Next, we head over to the "best bakery ever aka most expensive bakery ever" to order Will's birthday cake for Saturday. I have never ordered a cake before but I'm a little tired this year and thought I'd shake things up a bit. So upon entering this mecca of confectionary dreams, Will begins leaning on the glass cases covering up the "Do Not Lean on Cases" sign. I repeat this sentence at least 20 times in 5 minutes. The 90 y.o. lady begins taking my order and right after she says they don't make banana cake (which is what Will's little heart desired) she proceeds to tell me that the cake is $33.00 plus tax. WTH? Are the cakes made from golden eggs or what biotch?! Good lord! And so I turn to tell Will how we won't be getting a cake from them, he starts to melt down and Granny Baker stems it off with offering him a donut (perfect. what else says behave than a free donut?) So I look in the case too and pick out the biggest chocolate donut this side of the Mississippi and guess what?? GRANNY CHARGED ME FOR MINE!! That's right...she put them *both* in a bag and says, "that'll be 50 cents." Can I get a break?? I mean really.
Next we head over to our friendly neighborhood second-hand music store looking for Atlantis Squarepantis---yes, that's the real title. Upon entering, Will quickly sees arcade games and of course starts harrassing me for quarters. I quickly look around for something for my husband (he started work this week and I wanted to get him something in appreciation of his manual labor) and Will points out a Nascar PS2 game. Perfect. I pay. We walk outside and I ask Will if he thinks Daddy will like what we got him and I get a "Its not Daddy's! It's mine!" Lovely.
Now I'm starving and extra-super bitchy and need to eat...so we meet Kendra and Granny who just got done with Granny's pre-op (surgery is scheduled for 3/17 to remove cancerous girlie parts). While going thru the maze to get to the front of the line, Will zones in on the kids meal toys and starts making his requests known to all. I should have just left at this point---not left Will alone, but left the public-eye and took his ass home and put him to bed. But I didn't. I was still hoping the little demon inside would catch my drift and leave willingly but that never happened at Wendy's! Will gets this toy thats actually cool and I feel bad for the lady who gave it to him because she had to endure his dirty looks and pouty faces. Will's Aint Kenj asks me WTH was going on?? She said he must have left his 3 brain cells at school...omg, you have no idea.
Last stop was the cake store---because I *HAVE* to make the cake b/c no one on God's green earth makes a banana cake that middle-class Americans can afford. So I set Will loose on the cake decorations while I sit down and look thru the newest edition of some stupid cake decorating magazine. He picked thru all the little plastic treat toppers for cakes, mixing them all together and giving the lady working there a heartattack. He got a speedometer, an orange music note, a hotdog, traffic signs, a boombox, fries and a coke (without the smile). I bought it all for $4 because at this point, I didn't give a CRAP what went on the cake Saturday...I just wanted to go home.
++Then, my sister bought me a Skooner(BIG BEER)++
Then the second best part of the whole day...Will doesn't like his new orange room! We painted it for his birthday and got new bedding and new toy drawers and still---the kid's unsatisfied. So, lastnight he says he just wants a whole new house. Don't we all kid?! I just turned off the light and shut the door, speechless (if you know me, you know that's a miracle).
So after everyone was nestled all snug in their beds, with visions of creepy leprechans dancing in their heads, I took all of Will's toys away except about 6 cars, a play cell phone, a mini nerf gun and a harmonica. And of course I kept his books because we can't have him failing kindergarten now can we?! (Not to worry... all the toys are in our basement, waiting to be earned back by Will's good behavior, into the land of the living).
So this morning, Will gets up, comes into the livingroom and sits with me, all sleepy-eyed and cute while I explain the deal. He answers me and it even makes sense. We go in his room to get ready for school and he turns around with *major* attitude, hands on hips and demands "WHERE'S MY TOYS?!" Precious.
GENEius blog busy mawmaw....um, you left out that I bought you a 'skooooner':)
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