And I feel a little bummed about that. We got a dog and secretly I was hoping for some Marley & Me action so that I could post hilarious blogs about her bad behavior and become rich & famous. But instead Sam is a GOOD GIRL! (can I get a break, seriously?!)
Boobs knows I ***HATE*** pet stores, shelters and even zoos honestly but it was Father's Day and I agreed that we could do whatever he wanted, all day (Note to Self: never do that again). So he suggested lunch (good), then the mall (better) then the Humane Society (sucky mcsuckith). I agreed to this day so I HAD to go. I have to mentally prepare, or just chain smoke outside the ratty gates, but I do enter and let me tell you (as if you don't already know) it's sad, it's stinky, it's loud. The very first dog we saw was the one we brought home but first...
Can I just say... HOW MANY DAMN CATS CAN THIS WORLD HAVE FOR THE LOVE Ahhhh?! They are packed in like sheep. They are laying on eachother like hats and blankets and they STINK. See, I thought dogs were the poopy baskets but they don't always stink like the cat room did. OH MAN GROSS. I felt an infection coming on and quickly had to talk to my 5 y.o. son.
ME: "get outta here"
WILL: "But I likes kitties mawmaw"
ME: "No you don't. Not anymore"
WILL: "yes, I do"
ME: "no you don't"
WILL: "yes I do"
ME: "hey, look, free car magnets"
WILL: "where?"
***suckah!***
Anywho, the dog we first saw was in kennel 41. Now, I have a strange thing I like to do all the time and it is talking in quotes from movies. I would do it all the time if I was smarter and had a better memory but I do what I can with what I've got. So, as a kid I rented Ben Hur A LOT! My mom was slightly creeped out by this but Jesus is in it so it couldn't be ~that~ bad for a child, right?! Anywho, my point is this: in the movie, Judah Ben Hur becomes a slave and is number 41 and this Roman guard, with a cool, raspy, deep voice talks to him..."your eyes are full of hate, 41."
SOOOO... I was geeked that Sam was "41." I could see her being all bad and me calmly telling her "remember where you come from, 41" and she would immediately bow down in honor of my rescuing her and behave like a good girl. But she ALREADY IS A GOOD GIRL DAMMIT... I can barely even yell at her without wanting to apologize and smoochy woochy her.
And she had a cone on her head from getting fixed but, at first, I was worried that she was handicapped, whether physically or mentally, but I just couldn't have a "special needs" dog. That takes like extra work and stuff. But she just got all her girlie parts taken out so she wouldn't be whoring it up around the neighborhood home dawgs and THAT I can handle (only one whore per household and our house is all set). Anywho, she made the grade and entered our hearts right away but we had to go thru the waiting period before we could take her home. Plus, I had to dog-proof the house...which is kinda the same as Maggie-proofing so that was mostly already done. Oh and the dog needs like food and bones and a leash and necessities...which is a small fortune and I had to do some serious clearance aisle hunting and gathering (which was a success, I might add. I rule.)
And then we brought her home and it's been pretty uneventful ever since...besides how she tries to jump the fence (and actually did once) & like attacks Will and he cries... but other than that...nada. Nothing. Alls good. No drama. Just like that. BOR-ING :)
Boobs knows I ***HATE*** pet stores, shelters and even zoos honestly but it was Father's Day and I agreed that we could do whatever he wanted, all day (Note to Self: never do that again). So he suggested lunch (good), then the mall (better) then the Humane Society (sucky mcsuckith). I agreed to this day so I HAD to go. I have to mentally prepare, or just chain smoke outside the ratty gates, but I do enter and let me tell you (as if you don't already know) it's sad, it's stinky, it's loud. The very first dog we saw was the one we brought home but first...
Can I just say... HOW MANY DAMN CATS CAN THIS WORLD HAVE FOR THE LOVE Ahhhh?! They are packed in like sheep. They are laying on eachother like hats and blankets and they STINK. See, I thought dogs were the poopy baskets but they don't always stink like the cat room did. OH MAN GROSS. I felt an infection coming on and quickly had to talk to my 5 y.o. son.
ME: "get outta here"
WILL: "But I likes kitties mawmaw"
ME: "No you don't. Not anymore"
WILL: "yes, I do"
ME: "no you don't"
WILL: "yes I do"
ME: "hey, look, free car magnets"
WILL: "where?"
***suckah!***
Anywho, the dog we first saw was in kennel 41. Now, I have a strange thing I like to do all the time and it is talking in quotes from movies. I would do it all the time if I was smarter and had a better memory but I do what I can with what I've got. So, as a kid I rented Ben Hur A LOT! My mom was slightly creeped out by this but Jesus is in it so it couldn't be ~that~ bad for a child, right?! Anywho, my point is this: in the movie, Judah Ben Hur becomes a slave and is number 41 and this Roman guard, with a cool, raspy, deep voice talks to him..."your eyes are full of hate, 41."
SOOOO... I was geeked that Sam was "41." I could see her being all bad and me calmly telling her "remember where you come from, 41" and she would immediately bow down in honor of my rescuing her and behave like a good girl. But she ALREADY IS A GOOD GIRL DAMMIT... I can barely even yell at her without wanting to apologize and smoochy woochy her.
And she had a cone on her head from getting fixed but, at first, I was worried that she was handicapped, whether physically or mentally, but I just couldn't have a "special needs" dog. That takes like extra work and stuff. But she just got all her girlie parts taken out so she wouldn't be whoring it up around the neighborhood home dawgs and THAT I can handle (only one whore per household and our house is all set). Anywho, she made the grade and entered our hearts right away but we had to go thru the waiting period before we could take her home. Plus, I had to dog-proof the house...which is kinda the same as Maggie-proofing so that was mostly already done. Oh and the dog needs like food and bones and a leash and necessities...which is a small fortune and I had to do some serious clearance aisle hunting and gathering (which was a success, I might add. I rule.)
And then we brought her home and it's been pretty uneventful ever since...besides how she tries to jump the fence (and actually did once) & like attacks Will and he cries... but other than that...nada. Nothing. Alls good. No drama. Just like that. BOR-ING :)
"Whoring it up with the home dawgs"
ReplyDeleteTOO FUNNY!