Talking Out My Yipper

So I went to the dentist AGAIN today and read a magazine in the waiting room. There was an article about a couple who had grown apart over the years and didn't know how it happened. The woman was repeatedly telling her husband that she felt unimportant . She explained how she never did anything for herself and hadn't done some things that she enjoyed doing since before her and her husband were married. She asked her kids what mommy did the most and they said, "the laundry." (not exactly a legacy!) Then the woman went on to explain how she blamed her husband for her unhappiness. The expert gave a detailed response, but the one thing she said that really stood out to me was how the woman was unhappy because the woman was unhappy ... it really didn't have anything to do with him. She no longer did the things she had liked to do. What did she expect?! When her and her husband were dating she was spontaneous and exciting and the two of them explored things together. No

So, I feel, since having my son, I have come full circle. I'm talking about understanding my mom more now that I have my own children. Lastnight, I was feeling an awesome feeling of calm washing over me and I realized that I was doing something my mom did a lot when we were growing up. Of course, at the time I didn't fully understand WHY my mom did these things but its all starting to come together. Lastnight, while my little Cinderelly did the dinner dishes, I just sat my bum on the couch and read my book and I was transported back to that yellow 2-story on ANY given night, really, and there was my mom doing the same exact thing. I always wondered why she never "did" anything "fun" after work. Now I know...who has ANY energy after working a full day?! AND THEN YOU WORK MORE WHEN YOU GET HOME! (which i NEVER thought she did!) What was I thinking?! Vegging-out on the couch is about the only thing one can do after being used and abused all day, where one is at

So yesterday the family went to a friend's 60th surprise birthday party...yeah I thought "not good to scare the crap out of an oldie"...but he survived. Anywho, my son was the LIFE OF THE PARTY! He is so much fun to watch and I sat there thinking about how boring life would be without him. I would of just had to sit there and either talk to my husband (haha), watch the Notre Dame game (boo) or watch everybody getting drunk (annoying)...so I probably don't have to say this but, watching my son was much more entertaining and interesting. He started out showing and telling everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, his "new" phone and how he can text and taking their pictures (all pretend, of course...no phone until he's 5 :). He just started making the rounds, talking to everyone about the phone, about his "girlfriend" Amanda who's 13, and how he has duck game and Playstation at home while inviting everyone over, which Brian was pleased with I'm sure

So I have been to the dentist for the last three days...although today's appointment was for the kids. On Monday I got 4 fillings and a root canal. Tuesday I got, along with a very stiff neck and a quivery jaw, 5 fillings. Monday I have to go back AGAIN to get the permanent filling on the root canal...all that for the low cost of only $1190!! And that's only the top of my mouth. And my teeth dont LOOK bad! Insane... So today my 4 year old son went to the dentist for the first time. His 14 year old sister went too but she already knew what to do so, I stayed with my son. He was unsure at first and FRIGHTENED of the overhead spotlight. He was looking back and forth at me and then the hygenist wondering who's side I was on, I'm sure. Anyway, he wouldn't sit in the chair unless I did too so I didnt get as many pictures as I wanted (yes, I took my camera to the dentist. Doesn't everyone?!) He has great teeth and 20 of them, I might add. I guess I thought he would get

So Im writing about how pathetic my life is and how sad I am...and the post just disappears. Like I wasnt supposed to post that. So now what? I feel Im allowed to vent here but maybe this blog isnt for me but for others. Do I bitch about my life and situation b/c others will see how good they have it? Do I just let the verbal diarrhea flow and see what happens? But right now Im extremely sad... All I feel I can do is sit here and cry. You would think that getting CANCER would be rock bottom; but, no...things can always get worse. Most days Im numb to the heartache but now today Im overwhelmed with the heartache and HAVE to let it out. Just today the bank that handles our re-poed van calls and says that the van was sold at auction yesterday and they now have the final amount we owe in full, which is $11,000. Then, also yesterday, I go to the dentist b/c my husband is switching jobs and we wont have insurance for 90 days and I wanted to get all our teeth cleaned b4 our insurance runs out

So my husband of 5 years, 7 months and 28 days says this morning that "this song is to the love of my life".......and in this lovely ballad are the words "tie me to the bed" and "I cant control you" and "you're not the one for me." And he informs me that this song is a close second to "She Hates Me" also by Puddle of Mudd. He once dedicated "Crazy B*tch" to me also. I look over to him and he has this shit-eatin' grin on his sexy face and then he starts laughing so hard that his pretty brown eyes are all scrunched up and almost shut completely...and I should be mad and offended but Im not...I fall more in love with him. He has this crazy way of doing that to me. When he gives me a hard time and messes with me I cant help but know that we belong together. Twisted right?! Im a sucker for humor and joking and I guess thats my "love language." I remember when he and I were just dating and I was all jealous of the

So I have fibromyalgia, cancer and now...diverticulitis. That's chronic pain + well, cancer + rotten guts. My side hurts worse than labor and it feels like my husband used my side as an ashtray. I keep feeling like I'm gonna poop my pants but nothing happens. Dr's pain killers don't work and he said all I can do is wait it out til it passes...no pun intended. So I feel like crap and I'm a stay-at-home mom with my 4 year old son. All I wanted to do today was lay around hooked up to my heating pad, watch Sunshine Cleaning and quietly doze off to my happy place...BUT NO I needed to like feed my son and wipe his butt and open stuff for him and log him on the computer and get him dressed and read him a story and get him some "miwk" to drink and take a picture of him with my phone and call Mimi for him and look out the window at the bus Mawmaw and answer WHY? to everything and give him a bath and push him on the swing and customize his hot wheels and brush his t

I'm sitting in my room after spending the day thinking my insides were going to explode and got the gumption to just up and start my blog. I've tried in the past and lost steam so whatelse do I have to do since obviously I'm going to continue to have health issues that keep me cooped up in the house all day. WHY NOT BLOG?? So instead of sitting here feeling as though I have to start my first blog with my life story and whatnot...let's just start with today, shall we?? I was woke up in the middle of the night with the most horrible pains in my side...not pregnant, so what the heck?? It kept me up and doubled-over, if that's possible :) I facebooked for awhile while barking orders at my son to "get his own breakfast" and "help yourself honey, mommy's tummy hurts" from my bedroom. My sister took me to lunch where the cheeseburger I ordered wreaked havoc on my colon. I went home discouraged b/c I thought cheeseburgers would a lways make me feel