Some things have changed but not much. The husband is still home keeping me from serving the great people of the church I work for to the best of my abilities. He needs a "come to Jesus" talk or a time out in the doghouse which is COVERED IN SNOW right now. Ugh! He is restless so I threw him a bone and gave him a task - follow my recipe, preparing and putting my famous roast in the Crock pot. There is quite a few steps, actually. Fancy times. I do feel like I am a depression-era pioneer woman by saving scraps and putting shit together that I never would have before. Then again, some days, I throw all caution to the wind and eat all the week's snacks in one day. The husband also has his massive blue tooth speaker blaring unchristian-like music so again, I urge you to keep him in your prayers. The teenager is still waking up everyday after noon even though I take all electronics from him when I go to bed about 10 pm. Not sure what gives but I can hardly blame him...I want to sleep all day too. He is starting to struggle with e-learning some although he is still loving not having to physically go to the school everyday. The hardest part for him is missing his homies as we all are.
I actually got very choked up watching a live Easter service Sunday. I felt, I don't know, a sort of "longing" to feel needed by where I work in the ways I was in the past and I can't wait to be able to be of more service to the congregation and pastors, more hands on and connect more regularly and even get some hugs & I AM NOT A HUGGER! I long for that connection and seeing people face to face. I long for the days I would be in my office and members would come in and out and fill me in on their lives. I miss the buzz and happenings of the weekly goings-on and outreaches. I miss people leaving me baked treats, cards and notes on my desk, calling me to tell me something random just because. I miss feeling needed. For me, this epic time of isolation has brought me to a rather sobering realization - I need people to validate me or I feel heartbroken. I need people to need me. I need reassurance that I am not forgotten. I am sensitive to the outpouring of love, or lack thereof, on me. So, with all that being said in complete and transparent honesty, the validation I so crave and the judgment of others when they don't is, well, NEWSFLASH: super unhealthy! So, after telling you all what a bitch I can be having all those unhealthy thoughts, I am committed to learning how to do better, how to have better mental health. There. I said it. Moving on...
So, not much has changed in our day to day but everything's changed with me. I feel energized just reintroducing my blog. I started this blog in February of 2010. I feel the need to say this: I have not went back and read all those posts which I am sure are the embarrassing ramblings of a young mother but they are there if you so desire. In a hungover haze, I posted 10 years later on January 1, 2020, and just today, while updating my work's blog, thought maybe I needed to get some things out on a more regular basis and could POSSIBLY even help others by opening up so here we are. Yesterday I FaceTimed with my niece and sister and haven't laughed that hard in the last 33 days of being home - yes, 33, minus the few hours I went into work ages ago & Saturday out driving for about 4 hours - not going in anywhere just doing drive-bys for birthday celebrations and earring deliveries. It's like I HAVE to give people gifts - I HAVE A PROBLEM! lol! I am ok with the physical distance of like 6 feet and no more than 5 or 10 or however many but I miss the FREEDOM of doing whatever I want. I miss the mommy. I miss shopping with the sister. I miss hugging the Maggie so, I guess, really, I just miss my homies.
I saw a post the other day about Anne Frank. It said, "Anne Frank and seven other people hid in a 450 sq. ft. attic for 761 days, quietly trying to remain undiscovered in order to stay alive. You'll probably be fine in your house... with your wine, your GrubHub and your Netflix. Feel grateful yet?" My house is 1,000 sq. ft, I have been drinking cases of Hibiscus LaCroix while being over 100 days sober now, eating roast and watching movies, wearing earrings, snuggled on the couch with the husband and the dog while yelling at the teenager to turn his stereo down. I have zero room to bitch.
One article I read said: "A lifetime ago, a Jewish girl confided in her diary as she spent two years in isolation from the outside world in a doomed attempt to escape mortal danger. Anne Frank, a teenager from Amsterdam, wrote of her hopes, fears and dreams as she and her family hid from the Nazis in a secret annex behind a canal-side house. Seventy-five years ago this year, after their hiding place was discovered, Anne died of typhus in the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp in Germany, aged 15. The "Diary of a Young Girl" has become one of the world's most-read books. But it had humble beginnings, the diary was a birthday present for the 13-year-old Anne. Anne began writing shortly before the family went into hiding in 1942 in the secret annex that her father, Otto, had built behind his business. Addressing her diary as "Dear Kitty", over the next two years she described her thoughts and feelings about life in isolation with her family and the four other Jewish people they lived in hiding there with. Life in the annex was hard. Anne wrote with searing honesty about her feelings towards its other occupants, in particular her difficult relationship with her mother. The last entry was on August 1, 1944. Three days later, German agents raided the house. After the war, Anne's father returned to Amsterdam to find his wife and daughters dead and the house stripped. But the diary had been saved. The diary's immediacy means it has kept its relevance, especially in the "challenging times that we live in in 2020." The Anne Frank House -- which is currently closed to the public because of the Corona virus but continues its educational programs -- is now focused on communicating her legacy for the next 75 years, as memories of the Holocaust fade." Can you imagine? I don't feel imminent danger. I'm just bored. Get a grip, Jenna! Our situations are so NOT the same not matter how much I whine and throw adult tantrums. I have never read Dairy of a Young Girl but I think I should now.
This quarantine stay at home is really just one big giant mirror forcing us to look at ourselves. Some parts I like, some parts I don't but I am looking, day in and long day out. Getting some perspective. Thinking about the things I want to reintroduce into my life and the things I don't when all is said and done. My niece thinks I need to learn TikTok and start doing "Goat Jesus" videos just to make people laugh. Maybe. But one thing I do know - kids have it right: it really is the simple things. So I will continue to "Dear Kitty" my own version of thoughts in isolation, some humorous and some downright awful but always honest, real and true and maybe, just maybe, if you finish all your e-learning (without swearing or Snapping the teacher at your new, crappy school having mental breakdowns,) I'll introduce all you cool cats and kittens to Goat Jesus.
I actually got very choked up watching a live Easter service Sunday. I felt, I don't know, a sort of "longing" to feel needed by where I work in the ways I was in the past and I can't wait to be able to be of more service to the congregation and pastors, more hands on and connect more regularly and even get some hugs & I AM NOT A HUGGER! I long for that connection and seeing people face to face. I long for the days I would be in my office and members would come in and out and fill me in on their lives. I miss the buzz and happenings of the weekly goings-on and outreaches. I miss people leaving me baked treats, cards and notes on my desk, calling me to tell me something random just because. I miss feeling needed. For me, this epic time of isolation has brought me to a rather sobering realization - I need people to validate me or I feel heartbroken. I need people to need me. I need reassurance that I am not forgotten. I am sensitive to the outpouring of love, or lack thereof, on me. So, with all that being said in complete and transparent honesty, the validation I so crave and the judgment of others when they don't is, well, NEWSFLASH: super unhealthy! So, after telling you all what a bitch I can be having all those unhealthy thoughts, I am committed to learning how to do better, how to have better mental health. There. I said it. Moving on...
So, not much has changed in our day to day but everything's changed with me. I feel energized just reintroducing my blog. I started this blog in February of 2010. I feel the need to say this: I have not went back and read all those posts which I am sure are the embarrassing ramblings of a young mother but they are there if you so desire. In a hungover haze, I posted 10 years later on January 1, 2020, and just today, while updating my work's blog, thought maybe I needed to get some things out on a more regular basis and could POSSIBLY even help others by opening up so here we are. Yesterday I FaceTimed with my niece and sister and haven't laughed that hard in the last 33 days of being home - yes, 33, minus the few hours I went into work ages ago & Saturday out driving for about 4 hours - not going in anywhere just doing drive-bys for birthday celebrations and earring deliveries. It's like I HAVE to give people gifts - I HAVE A PROBLEM! lol! I am ok with the physical distance of like 6 feet and no more than 5 or 10 or however many but I miss the FREEDOM of doing whatever I want. I miss the mommy. I miss shopping with the sister. I miss hugging the Maggie so, I guess, really, I just miss my homies.
I saw a post the other day about Anne Frank. It said, "Anne Frank and seven other people hid in a 450 sq. ft. attic for 761 days, quietly trying to remain undiscovered in order to stay alive. You'll probably be fine in your house... with your wine, your GrubHub and your Netflix. Feel grateful yet?" My house is 1,000 sq. ft, I have been drinking cases of Hibiscus LaCroix while being over 100 days sober now, eating roast and watching movies, wearing earrings, snuggled on the couch with the husband and the dog while yelling at the teenager to turn his stereo down. I have zero room to bitch.
One article I read said: "A lifetime ago, a Jewish girl confided in her diary as she spent two years in isolation from the outside world in a doomed attempt to escape mortal danger. Anne Frank, a teenager from Amsterdam, wrote of her hopes, fears and dreams as she and her family hid from the Nazis in a secret annex behind a canal-side house. Seventy-five years ago this year, after their hiding place was discovered, Anne died of typhus in the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp in Germany, aged 15. The "Diary of a Young Girl" has become one of the world's most-read books. But it had humble beginnings, the diary was a birthday present for the 13-year-old Anne. Anne began writing shortly before the family went into hiding in 1942 in the secret annex that her father, Otto, had built behind his business. Addressing her diary as "Dear Kitty", over the next two years she described her thoughts and feelings about life in isolation with her family and the four other Jewish people they lived in hiding there with. Life in the annex was hard. Anne wrote with searing honesty about her feelings towards its other occupants, in particular her difficult relationship with her mother. The last entry was on August 1, 1944. Three days later, German agents raided the house. After the war, Anne's father returned to Amsterdam to find his wife and daughters dead and the house stripped. But the diary had been saved. The diary's immediacy means it has kept its relevance, especially in the "challenging times that we live in in 2020." The Anne Frank House -- which is currently closed to the public because of the Corona virus but continues its educational programs -- is now focused on communicating her legacy for the next 75 years, as memories of the Holocaust fade." Can you imagine? I don't feel imminent danger. I'm just bored. Get a grip, Jenna! Our situations are so NOT the same not matter how much I whine and throw adult tantrums. I have never read Dairy of a Young Girl but I think I should now.
This quarantine stay at home is really just one big giant mirror forcing us to look at ourselves. Some parts I like, some parts I don't but I am looking, day in and long day out. Getting some perspective. Thinking about the things I want to reintroduce into my life and the things I don't when all is said and done. My niece thinks I need to learn TikTok and start doing "Goat Jesus" videos just to make people laugh. Maybe. But one thing I do know - kids have it right: it really is the simple things. So I will continue to "Dear Kitty" my own version of thoughts in isolation, some humorous and some downright awful but always honest, real and true and maybe, just maybe, if you finish all your e-learning (without swearing or Snapping the teacher at your new, crappy school having mental breakdowns,) I'll introduce all you cool cats and kittens to Goat Jesus.
Comments
Post a Comment