Skip to main content

Drugs

I'm pretty proud of myself. At one point, in 2009, when I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was on 20 (like 2-0 as in TWENTY) medications. As of this morning, I officially take 3 - two of which are because I no longer have a thyroid so those will never go away. I'm workin on that last one... in July I had a pretty bad mental breakdown -ish where I just couldn't do life the way it was anymore. I had gone sober on New Year's Day, making that decision while nursing a massive hangover. Sobriety brought a small jewelry business as well as mental clarity which led to July. There had to be more to life than that. 

I am currently seeing 2 counselors - one with the hubs & one solo. My eyes have been opened! I have co-dependency issues among other things but when you know better you do better! My life & my view of it has changed exponentially... for the better. It's so hard but it's for the better. Looking at yourself closely is never easy but I can say with certainty that I would rather see myself now, exactly as I am, than who I saw 3 months ago - a person who was unaware of herself, sacrificing herself day in & day out for everyone else's happiness. I was miserable. I just couldn't do it anymore. 

Along this journey, I decided to wean off meds I didn't really need & start taking healthier steps to managing my mental health & body. And I'm down to 3 medications. I'm pretty proud of myself. I killed off my pride in myself as an adult because I was always taught humility is best & pride is bad. Now I know: Being proud of yourself is not bad at all, but quite healthy! Who knew?! I didn't! Humility, to me, is not thinking you are better than you are but also, most importantly, not better than anyone else. We are all just humans passing through but dang it! I'm no longer letting that false sense of humilty & pride get in the way anymore! I AM PROUD OF MYSELF DAMMIT!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Food 4 Thought

So I sit on my computer at 12:30 am, and wonder, yet again, what to blog about...I feel like my blog is lame and needs some sort of "theme." Why do I feel like I can't just write what I want?? so ~same bat time, same bat channel~ This past weekend has been ROUGH!! Brian is not working and his schedule just isnt vibing with me! I mean, there is no time to chill and think or veg out. It's go go go all the time. I did hear him say a few times this weekend that this is the busiest he's been in forever. So thank the Lord for that b/c today when I got home from volunteering at the church I was all "I'm napping."----- like end of story, not a question. And NAP I DID! I slept for over 4 hours!! GOOD LORD! I can't remember the last time I did that! Anywho, it was fabulous. But I'm pretty sure that I love *food* more than sleep. This has been a smorgasbord of food since our...um...tax return and I'm LOVING IT!! Friday was Doc Pierce's Saloon...
2 comments
Read more

Day 11 Sitting with Myself 1 of 2. Length: 1 hour

 I own a small, predominantly online handcrafted jewelry business. I have been in business 3 years, 5 months & 2 days - exactly the same amount of time that I've been sober because I am an alcoholic. I'd like to think my success in both of those areas are directly linked. I stay sober by making jewelry. Successfully selling jewelry keeps me from drinking. But what if sales decrease or straight up end? Would I drink again? I drop new jewelry on my website every Friday at 9am est. It is 11:30 and I have zero sales. In all the years in business, that has NEVER happened on a drop day. It's depressing. I've watched sales steadily decline over the past few months, often daydreaming about the what if's and the why's. Is it our declining economy? Is it crappy designs? It is me? Recently it was brought to my attention that I offended and upset one of my long-time, consistently supportive customers. I noticed that she hadn't placed an order in several weeks. I was...
Post a Comment
Read more

Thankful to NOT be in the Army! (part 1)

I haven't blogged in 4EVER b/c someone has been sick in this house for the last 10 days and right now, it's me. Joy. Anywho, Emily wants me to write 100 things about her but I can't think that hard this morning...although I will do 1. She farts ALL THE TIME! and 2. She really is SUPER DUPER funny! I'll do the rest later. So it's the most wonderful time of the year and I've already done 80% of my shopping throughout the year so, I'm totally ahead of the game and liking it. People are scrambling around trying to find what they're looking for or trying to decide WHAT they're looking for while I am smuggly enjoying browzin! I am always left with the kids stocking stuffers. I try to keep those gifts as random as possible (more fun that way; for me, not necessarily for them). And this time of year always reminds me of my experience in the Army... I remember the BEST christmas-time I ever had...I was in the Army and was desperately trying to get out. I knew...
2 comments
Read more