My Son Cracks Me Up!

Before Will can even wipe the sleep from his eyes, he is walking into the livingroom, asking for me to turn off the Today Show so he can play "tv games" aka Playstation. This morning he asked if he could have candy for breakfast and when I said "no, let's go look at your choices," he quickly zeroes in on the syrup and wants to "drink" syrup for breakfast. When we looked in the fridge, I see he has randomly moved the mustard to the butter compartment and the butter all the way to the back. He gets his granola bar, and like with everything, he asks if those are just his. What his obsession is with things being because of him or just for him, idk?! He's also gotten back into the habit of asking me everytime I enter the house after being gone without him "what'd you get for me?" This weekend his 14 y.o. sister got a new cell phone and he got her old one. He's pissed b/c it isn't "real." What ever happened to pretend and make-believe and Mr. Roger's and crap?! He STILL doesn't want to sleep in his room, in his bed. In March, we painted his room orange, his "fravrite" color, but that didn't change anything. He still begs every night to sleep with me or for me to sleep with him. I am tempted to let him and make his Dad sleep on the couch b/c lately, Boobs has been working a lot; therefore, the snore volume has been turned WAY up & he's pulling the paint off the walls! But then Will has been grinding his teeth when he sleeps which makes my skin crawl so now what?? Will asks to watch "gleed" and "31" (which is nickelodeon but whatever...) and "So You Can Think & Dance." LOL He wants to stay up all night & still gets up before 8 am. He asks all morning when his sister is going to get up and when I say "in a little bit" he replies with "that'll be for so long." Yesterday it took him 11minutes to buckle his seatbelt all by himself. He picked out orange gum at the gas station over a slurpee or chocolate. Weirdo. Lastnight at dinner he had to go eat in the kitchen by himself b/c he thinks the dinner table is a stage for his performances and takes forever to eat. We constantly have to tell him "eat" or "quit messing around." Then he tries to tell us he has to poop, which he DOESN'T, just to get out of eating. He likes to jump on me, with no concept of my bad back, and dig his little knees and elbows into my thighs. He likes me to watch him run, just back and forth in the hallway, and tell him he is SO FAST! When he's done pooping, he screams at the top of his lungs, "I'M DONE!", which means someone come and wipe me. When I told him that he has to wipe his own butt in kindergarten, he said he just won't poop there... like he can help when he has to go. He says things like "a long time ago, when I was a daddy" or "a long time ago, when I was a baby" like that was only 5 years ago, Will. He says "thee" instead of the. He likes the LOLcats books, even though sometimes I think they might not be appropriate for his age. He gets VERY serious when he tells his sister what to do. He crosses his arms and closes his eyes and says, "you can't have rootbeer this late, em" like DUH. He has fake conversations on cell phones & says things like I would. He is obsessed with Spongebob & all shows on "31" and lastnight when we were watching Family Matters, he said he thought Eurkel's suspenders were cool. Then lastnight when I laid down with him in his bed, he said "I'm gonna dream about my birthday & presents. What are you gonna dream about mawmaw?" I didn't tell him but I wanted to dream about the day when I could put him to bed in his bed and sleep in my own :)