2020: Sobriety Journey

Wow! It's been 10 years since I wrote here & so much has happened. More on that later. Right now I am nursing a massive hangover with chicken Ramen noodles & a Bud light. I am feeling sick AF. It's time to make a change & grow up. I am having surgery on my left knee next week for a meniscus root tear. I am so overweight that I am actually worried about blowing out my good knee while it's supporting all of my 225-230lbs during the 6 weeks non weight bearing post-op. Never too late to change. "Anything's possible while your heart's still beating" - somebody said that but I'm too dizzy to look it up. My dad passed away 1-26-18 from heart disease & complications of diabetes. I also found out recently that my mom has been on blood pressure meds "for years." Hello genes, I haven't been helpful...until now. First step: gag down this beer, pop aspirin, go back to bed & not think about the fact that I've so not been living my best life...until now. Well, actually when I have my second morning in a few hours...hopefully. Hopefully I will feel mucho better then. I'm too old, I'm too tired, I'm too fuckin... fuckin drunk. #atmylowest? #heaviestihaveeverbeen #onlygetsbetterfromhere #onwardsandupwards

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Granny

The little things, you do to me, are Taking me over, I wanna show ya Everything inside of me is Like a nervous heart, that, is crazy beatin My feet are stuck here, against the pavement I wanna break free, I want you to make it Closer to your eyes, get your attention Before you pass me by Back up, back up Take another chance Don’t you mess up, mess up I don’t wanna lose you Wake up, wake up This aint just a thing that you Give up, give up Don’t you say that I’d be Better off, better off Sittin by myself and wonderin If I'm better off, better off, without you, no Please don't leave me hanging on... And every time you notice me Holdin it closely and sayin sweet things I don't believe it, that it could be You speakin your mind and sayin the real things My feet wanna break free, and I should be leavin I'm not gonna stand here, watchin you losin But I won't forget you So don't make me think this Was just a waste of time So back up, back up Take another chance Don’t y...

Battle of the Will

So I got to spend another day fighting tooth and nail for the power with my 4 year old, Will. It's like he just thinks he can do whatever, whenever he wants. I'll just call his name, and I know he can hear me, and he just doesn't answer me. I seriously have to get loud for him to acknowledge me. And then he says things back to me like "it's not nice to yell mawmaw" or "I'm not your friend anymore." What the hell do I say to that?! Usually I say something sarcastic like "big shocker" but how is that helpful?? Its not and I know it but its hard trying to teach him a lesson while I'm exhausted and brain dead. Especially after going at it with him day in and day out, and my husband hasn't been home a lot with his new job...so its just me. Even when I ask him who the boss is...he says me but then that doesn't mean anything to him, apparently. And he is obsessed with Playstation right now. He can literally play it for hours and ...

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

This Christmas season started for me in like September. That was the first time I saw a store putting up their ornaments to sell and I thought "Geeesch, it's not even October!" But I did find Em's ornament that day, at that store and it's perfect. Anywho, when the "real" Christmas season rolled around I was bombarded by texts from women talking about "christmas decorations is gonna cause us to get divorced" and "I hate how he puts the lights up outside" or "I hope he doesn't expect me to wrap all these presents" or "he wants to just buy everyone a snuggie." I laughed a lot at these texts because Brian does leave the shopping to me (thank God) and actually will pretty much do anything I ask him to do (and he's quite the little wrapping perfectionist I might add). But the decoration fights/arguments, I finally understood...I couldn't recall doing it in the past but for some reason, we did this year. Anywh...

Talking Out My Yipper

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