I never used to get depressed after Christmas but apparently I am this year...and in a BIG WAY! I have been in such a bad mood, it's unreal, unnatural and unfair. So continue reading at your own risk...
I woke up the day after Christmas...no before that I was feeling "something not quite right" but then again I haven't been "quite right" for quite some time. But I was thinking about how I've been sick with bronchitis now for over 5 weeks and how I am supposed to wear a mask when I leave the house; which would mean wearing it to my mom's which WASN'T gonna happen but still. So, the day after Christmas I woke up hating the day. My cousin and her kid stayed overnight due to the weather and I was not real happy about it b/c I end up babysitting for her b/c she never gets up AND cleaning up after she leaves b/c she never helps clean up the mess her kid makes. So there was that and then Will begging and crying when I said no to opening and using his new art set at 7:30 AM. I didn't even have coffee yet, hEllO!! And then the meltdowns began over toys that weren't being put together fast enough or weren't working the way HE thought they should. So, I left him with Daddy and took my 14 y.o. out into the customer service lines to return some crap. And actually it wasn't too bad and was a little bit of a break from reality and I made out quite nicely in the store credit department, found the kids perfect ornaments for next year AT HALF PRICE and scored the cutest wrapping paper for next year too! And then it's TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY COMPLETELY downhill from there...
Got home and fought with the husband a little bit and paid SOME of the bills we have due b/c we are so effing broke, it's not even funny. And then we exchanged some unkind words and he slept on the couch and I, alone, in our bed. Now, I know my husband has S.A.D. and I'm totally depressed with a touch of post traumatic stress disorder from the holidays but we truely do love eachother but we take our crappy reality out on eachother most of the time. Who else are we gonna crap on when our chips are down, but one another?! Anywho, so the next morning we are late to church and I'm supposed to be working and I'm walking in over 15 minutes late and everyone KNOWS what a rough morning I had b/c I wear my heart on my sleeve and don't or can't physically "fake it to make it."
And the worst part of yesterday was making out my grocery list. I have to lose weight and get healthy b/c I have cancer and need to take better care of myself so, I wrote down salmon and lettuce and brussel sprouts and etc etc. And I like all those things but I haven't even started the hell-thy eating plan and I already feel deprived. So I'm in like a "sugary sweet yummy goodness mourning" and I get to go to the store---on a sunday---while everyone else either read their book on the couch or is taking a nap---yay me!! And then there's a snow storm and the hatchback slams into my head and the massive amounts of money on kleenex and Germ X sanitizer and other "preventitive" items are putting me over the egde at the self check out and I'm hating my life.
Then we go to the in-laws (and I cried all the way there, feeling bad about how I've been treating my husband and apologize and he forgives me) and she ordered pizza! and HELLO, I didn't have to cook!!
Then we come home and my husband and I go at it again...fighting that is. He admits to NOT REALLY forgiving me and about still being pissed about something I said. So I go take a shower and when the free salon pump on the new shampoo I bought doesn't work---I slump down in the shower and start bawling my eyes out. This just can't be normal!
Then I tell my hubby *sincerely* that I am sorry for what I said and that he doesn't deserve it and then I ask if he wants to know what I wish he was sorry for and when I tell him, he sarcastically says "sorry." So I go to bed alone AGAIN and this time the BED ISN'T MADE because he left it for me to do knowing that I can't b/c I can't pull and tuck and everything with my shoulder. So I read until midnight and now today... I get to blow my nose a lot and my son's too and not try to off myself. Good times.
I woke up the day after Christmas...no before that I was feeling "something not quite right" but then again I haven't been "quite right" for quite some time. But I was thinking about how I've been sick with bronchitis now for over 5 weeks and how I am supposed to wear a mask when I leave the house; which would mean wearing it to my mom's which WASN'T gonna happen but still. So, the day after Christmas I woke up hating the day. My cousin and her kid stayed overnight due to the weather and I was not real happy about it b/c I end up babysitting for her b/c she never gets up AND cleaning up after she leaves b/c she never helps clean up the mess her kid makes. So there was that and then Will begging and crying when I said no to opening and using his new art set at 7:30 AM. I didn't even have coffee yet, hEllO!! And then the meltdowns began over toys that weren't being put together fast enough or weren't working the way HE thought they should. So, I left him with Daddy and took my 14 y.o. out into the customer service lines to return some crap. And actually it wasn't too bad and was a little bit of a break from reality and I made out quite nicely in the store credit department, found the kids perfect ornaments for next year AT HALF PRICE and scored the cutest wrapping paper for next year too! And then it's TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY COMPLETELY downhill from there...
Got home and fought with the husband a little bit and paid SOME of the bills we have due b/c we are so effing broke, it's not even funny. And then we exchanged some unkind words and he slept on the couch and I, alone, in our bed. Now, I know my husband has S.A.D. and I'm totally depressed with a touch of post traumatic stress disorder from the holidays but we truely do love eachother but we take our crappy reality out on eachother most of the time. Who else are we gonna crap on when our chips are down, but one another?! Anywho, so the next morning we are late to church and I'm supposed to be working and I'm walking in over 15 minutes late and everyone KNOWS what a rough morning I had b/c I wear my heart on my sleeve and don't or can't physically "fake it to make it."
And the worst part of yesterday was making out my grocery list. I have to lose weight and get healthy b/c I have cancer and need to take better care of myself so, I wrote down salmon and lettuce and brussel sprouts and etc etc. And I like all those things but I haven't even started the hell-thy eating plan and I already feel deprived. So I'm in like a "sugary sweet yummy goodness mourning" and I get to go to the store---on a sunday---while everyone else either read their book on the couch or is taking a nap---yay me!! And then there's a snow storm and the hatchback slams into my head and the massive amounts of money on kleenex and Germ X sanitizer and other "preventitive" items are putting me over the egde at the self check out and I'm hating my life.
Then we go to the in-laws (and I cried all the way there, feeling bad about how I've been treating my husband and apologize and he forgives me) and she ordered pizza! and HELLO, I didn't have to cook!!
Then we come home and my husband and I go at it again...fighting that is. He admits to NOT REALLY forgiving me and about still being pissed about something I said. So I go take a shower and when the free salon pump on the new shampoo I bought doesn't work---I slump down in the shower and start bawling my eyes out. This just can't be normal!
Then I tell my hubby *sincerely* that I am sorry for what I said and that he doesn't deserve it and then I ask if he wants to know what I wish he was sorry for and when I tell him, he sarcastically says "sorry." So I go to bed alone AGAIN and this time the BED ISN'T MADE because he left it for me to do knowing that I can't b/c I can't pull and tuck and everything with my shoulder. So I read until midnight and now today... I get to blow my nose a lot and my son's too and not try to off myself. Good times.
drugs are good mkay
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